I think…
01 Aug 2011 Leave a Comment
in Anxiety, Family, Friends, Random Talks, Thoughts
People mean well when they say “Oh WOW, you look like crap.” I mean surely they can’t be saying it to be mean or anything – riiiggghhhttt? I know I look a little rough on the edges, but never thought I looked bad enough to the outside world, as bad as I felt inside, but I guess I have been wrong all along. At least I can lie and tell people I worked over the weekend and just need more sleep… And hopefully the only one who know’s the truth will be me. Because the last thing I want is to ooozzeee my depression, sadness, tears, anger and share it with others around me. One other thing I tend to get on a daily basis is “we miss our old Poontater back”, well it’s not like I CHOOSE to be this way, or that I LURVE being depressed, sad, angry, irritable…etc all the time. I also miss the old Poontater and struggle everyday to find her again, but you try drowning everyday in darkness and in tears and let me know how it feels!
Lately this has been on my mind a lot lately, the damage and effect I am causing to the people around me, to those who love me and it SUCKS! It’s one thing to struggle through depression and feel like there is no HOPE or light at the end of the tunnel, but why do the people around you have to feel the pain as well? Why can’t I just spare them all the pain and suffering that I am going through? It’s not that I don’t try to put on a smile or try to make everyone feel like I’am A – OK… but there is only so much I can do to sugar coat what I am going through and the demon I struggle with day in – day out. Sometimes I just want to run away… where I don’t know, I just want to pull a Forest Gump and just RUN… RUN…RUN… I know that it won’t make things better for the long run, but at least MAYBE, just MAYBE I can get temporary relief from it all. Uuuugggghhh what’s the point?
