I think…
01 Aug 2011 Leave a Comment
in Anxiety, Family, Friends, Random Talks, Thoughts
People mean well when they say “Oh WOW, you look like crap.” I mean surely they can’t be saying it to be mean or anything – riiiggghhhttt? I know I look a little rough on the edges, but never thought I looked bad enough to the outside world, as bad as I felt inside, but I guess I have been wrong all along. At least I can lie and tell people I worked over the weekend and just need more sleep… And hopefully the only one who know’s the truth will be me. Because the last thing I want is to ooozzeee my depression, sadness, tears, anger and share it with others around me. One other thing I tend to get on a daily basis is “we miss our old Poontater back”, well it’s not like I CHOOSE to be this way, or that I LURVE being depressed, sad, angry, irritable…etc all the time. I also miss the old Poontater and struggle everyday to find her again, but you try drowning everyday in darkness and in tears and let me know how it feels!
Lately this has been on my mind a lot lately, the damage and effect I am causing to the people around me, to those who love me and it SUCKS! It’s one thing to struggle through depression and feel like there is no HOPE or light at the end of the tunnel, but why do the people around you have to feel the pain as well? Why can’t I just spare them all the pain and suffering that I am going through? It’s not that I don’t try to put on a smile or try to make everyone feel like I’am A – OK… but there is only so much I can do to sugar coat what I am going through and the demon I struggle with day in – day out. Sometimes I just want to run away… where I don’t know, I just want to pull a Forest Gump and just RUN… RUN…RUN… I know that it won’t make things better for the long run, but at least MAYBE, just MAYBE I can get temporary relief from it all. Uuuugggghhh what’s the point?
Pretty in Pink
26 Mar 2009 2 Comments
Poon's bachelorette party - June 2006
C-H-A-N-G-E
20 Mar 2009 Leave a Comment
in 101 Goals, Family, Friends, House, Job, Life, NC, Thoughts
Change has always been something I have avoided. Most of the time I like things the way they are, or even if I don’t like things the way they are my fear of change would take over and cripple me to move forward. My fear kept me at a job I disliked and hated more and more everyday. It kept me from going to school to get my degree. It kept me from taking the leap to sell the house. It kept me from 100% agreeing to move to NC… you get the idea! This was nothing new to me. I have always been afraid of change, but as an adult I found it to be more and more crippling and it started to effect the way I felt about myself and life in general.
But the thing is that, every time I take a chance and take the leap I am always shocked at the end results and the AWESOME feelings that come with it. Like letting my old boss know that I was leaving… as scared as I was, man it felt so good. Of course I had to deal with the freak out moments of not having a job and the fact that after being somewhere for 7 years I was now in the looking for a job field and interviews scare the crap out of me (we will talk about my social issues at another time). But in the end I DID IT! I am now at a job like a like and could possibly see a future within the company if I wanted to.
Now let’s talk about selling the house and moving to NC. That was about 4+ years in the making. I had many many deep issues related to selling the house and moving somewhere where I felt I would be very vulnerable because I did not know anyone. But after a lot work with therapy and support from SRR I was ready to take the jump and move. Once I felt comfortable in my own skin and I felt strong as a person the whole process came very easy. I mean leaving my friends and what I have known as life for 10+ years was very hard, but I was now looking forward to our new life and was truly excited (without the fear taking over) for the first time since the NC conversation first came up. I know that my SRR will always be there for me and he knows that I will always be there for him no matter what. And as scary and lonely the process could have been, we had each other (and of course Ollie & Sugar). Once we were ready things just fell in the place like it was all meant to be… and one thing after another, things worked them self’s out and September 2008 we hit the road. And to this day I am so happy that we made the change in our lives and moved. I love being closer to extended family and everything else about NC (the cost of living kind of sucks), but everything else makes up for it.
I am a much different person then I was just 2 years ago and it’s OK. Change is not always going to come easy and I know that, but the more I trust my self the easier each step will be.
Now for another huge change in my life – I need to submit my application for Nursing School.
Taking a look back at 2008
31 Dec 2008 Leave a Comment
in 101 Goals, Friends, House, Job, Life, List
Even though I would have liked to have completed more goals this year – I am going to cut my self some slack. 2008 has been a crazy busy year with plenty of ups and downs. But overall it was a decent year. Here is what I have managed to knock off my list in the year of 2-0-0-8
Goal# 3 – Buy a Coach Purse
Goal# 26 – Finish Sugar’s Bed
Goal# 30 – Get back on the dirt bike
Goal# 39 – Start and keep up with an Address Book
Goal# 40 – Learn to knit
Goal# 44 – Get in touch with an old friend
Goal# 46 – Finish the garden area in our backyard
Goal# 53 – Keep a potted plant alive
Goal# 58 – Get a promotion/new job
Goal# 63 – Get to work on-time for a week
Goal# 65 – Tell the ladies in my group, how much I appreciate them
Goal# 66 – Visit the Blue Bell Factory
Goal# 81 – Put new recipes in my recipe book
Goal# 83 – Try 5 new restaurants (5/5)
Goal# 87 – Take a Wilton Cake decorating class
Goal# 91 – Carve a pumpkin for the first time
Goal# 92- Make a new Friend
Goal# 93 – Go kayaking/canoeing
Goal# 95 – No TV for a week
Goal# 100 – Wear PJ’s to work
Goal # 101 – Get the house painted
NC Nesties
07 Dec 2008 Leave a Comment
I attended my first GTG (Get ToGether) with the lovely NC Nest ladies last night and had a great time. It was the 2nd annual Tacky Christmas Sweater/Cookie Exchange Party. The idea is that everyone bakes 3 dozen cookies and seperates them in to 6 batches of 6 cookies and everyone walks away with 6 different packages of 6 cookies…
I made Sandies Pecan Cookies and Peppermint Bark and walked away with delishes GOODNESS!!!
The GROUP
Around the Food Table
All the cookies spread out on Blair’s Guest Bed
Mexico – El dia dos
24 Aug 2008 Leave a Comment
Sharon and I were woken up by the lovely sound of our phone ringing and Phillip telling us to wake up, cause we need to eat breakfast and get ready to leave for our snorkeling tour (yeah I know I know we said we were not going to do any excursions of the resort, but it just sounded like too much fun). We rushed downstairs and grabbed some breakfast then met everyone in the lobby. Once all 8 of us were together we took the city bus to Aquaplace, paid our dues and waited for our boat to arrive. We spent about 30 minutes roaming around the gift shop and lathering on about 30 layers of sunscreen. We got fitted with our flippers and headed on to the boat. It was about 10 minutes in to our ride, when they came around with huge bottles of cerveza and it was delish. We finally made it to our final destination aka The Mother ship. After meeting our Mexican Host Johnny Deep and getting the details about what to do and not what to do, we all jumped in the water and followed our tour guide around. The water was super clear and the fishes were awesome, but after about 30 minutes in the water we were ready to get our butts back on the ship and take a breather. Well Jar Jar and Sharon were not feeling so good and we all decided to head back to the resort. We waited around about 20 minutes for the boat to return to take us back and mean while Phillip and I decided that we were not ready to go back. So everyone with the exception of Sharon, Phillip and I headed back to the hotel. We managed to spend about another hour or so on the boat, drinking 40′s and doing beer bongs.
It was AWESOME!!! a true Cancun vacation!!!
So after drinking more cerveza and meeting some CRAZY chicks from Florida, we headed back to the Hotel. I don’t remember much from the ride back, but somehow (probably thanks to Sharon) we made it back to the Hotel in time to take a shower and head down to dinner at the Italian restaurant.
Poor Sharon did not last long (she was still feeling motion sickness) and she headed up to our room to get some rest. Soon after Phillip and I left and headed to the lobby bar and get our drink on and of course mingle with some new peeps. A little later Sharon joined us at the bar and we decided that we needed to go walk on the beach in pitch dark and play in the water. But I must say, there is something very satisfying about jumping in the pool, in the middle of the night with your clothes on (well Sharon and I had our clothes on, boo was in his tighty whiteys). We stayed in the pool for about 15 minutes before we realized we were freezing… so we headed up to our room and all three of us jumped in the shower (thank you Sharon for the brilliant idea) and chit chatted for a good 10 minutes while our bodies were de-frosting (I am kicking my self for not grabbing the camera to snap a picture), but I guess some things need to be kept in our minds only. That pretty much marked our second day in Mexico…
Mexico – El dia uno
19 Aug 2008 1 Comment
Let me start by saying, WE HAD A BLAST!!!
The morning started by Rob and I waking up at 4:45AM to start getting ready. We were out the house by 5:15AM and headed towards Sharon’s. We were headed towards the airport South Terminal by 5:45AM. Yup, you read that right the South Terminal. We had not heard of it, until that morning either. We made our way in to the small/scary looking terminal and were checking in, when we realized that Sharon booked her ticket under her married name, but her passport had our maiden name. A little freak out moment, but they quickly notified us that for $40 she could get her ticket changed. So off we went to the sales desk to have things corrected. It was surprisingly painless and quick. So after checking in our bags, we sat around waiting for the rest of our party of 8. They arrived around 6:50AM and we went in through the security to wait for our 8:55AM flight.
We flew Viva Aerobus which was a roller coaster ride on its own. The plane was first come first serve seating, but apparently people have a hard time understanding what that means. It does not mean go in and save 3 row’s of seats for the people in your party. It means sit your a$$ down and let other’s take their seats. Phillip almost went off on this one lady (it was actually pretty funny). Anywho, after a crazy OMG I am about to die landing, we were in MEXICO… We waited for our luggage, then headed out to find transportation to take us to the Hotel. We found a van to take us all for $11 a person (not too bad). We arrived and figured out that check-in is not until 4:00PM. No problem! They took our bags and showed us to the restaurant where we were able to fill our bellies and get our drink on. After 3 Pina Coladas and some yummy food we (Sharon, Phillip and I) headed to the beach (the rest of the group headed to the mall that was located across the street from our hotel). We soked up the beauty and all the sun we could and rode the waves. We could not have asked for a better day to arrive in Cancun. After swimming and cooking in the sun for about 4 hours we decided to see if our room was available. Everyone had their room, but Sharon and I. Which was all good with us. We just headed to Phillip and DJ’s room and chilled until our room was ready. After bathing and getting cleaned up, we all headed down to the buffet to grab some dinner and drinks. From what I remember, it was an earlish kind of night, we were all pooped from traveling and the lack of sleep from waking up before the sun.
Happy Birthday Boo Boos!!!
30 Jun 2008 Leave a Comment
in Friends, Life, Random Talks
June 27th was Phillip’s (aka Boo Boos) Birthday and to celebrate we went to Malagas’s Tapas Bar on 4th street. It was a pretty cool experience. We ordered what seemed like 100 different plates and had some yummy drinks. After about 2 hours of sweating our tails off we decided to head out to Ginger Man Pub for a sample of beer’s and darts. I tried out the black velvet (Pear Ale and Guinness) and some other things I don’t remember. After about 3 hours of tasting different beer’s and dominating at dart’s (yeah right) we headed to OilCan Harry’s for more drinks and some crazy dancing.
After about 4 shots and and an un-countable amounts of drinks things like this happen 
and are considered some what normal. After dancing, drinking, meeting british girls, dissing the british girls, dancing some more, hugging and rubbing on some strangers we headed out to Rain. I don’t think Phillip and I remember much after that… but I do remember stumbilling in to the car and stopping at Taco Cabana (no I was not driving). After eating some much needed food, Rob and I dropped off the birthday boy and headed home. I think it was 4:30 AM when my head hit the pillow.
I think everyone had a BLAST!!! cause I know Phillip and I did.
Here are some more crazy and not so crazy photos for your enjoyment!!!
