Hmmm where to start?
11 May 2010 1 Comment
in Family, Job, Life, School, Surgery, Thoughts
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Here is a little time-line breakdown…
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January –
Celebrated SRR’s 30th birthday
Celebrated our 4 year wedding anniversary
I started school
We moved in to our new townhome
Scratch N Sniff Productions is now in full gear
February -
Still in school 3 nights a week
Celebrated Valentine’s Day
Drove to Florida for the first GNCC race
SRR raced his first ever GNCC race
Cleaned out the old apartment and have been settling in at our new place
March –
Still in school 3 nights a week and it is starting to takes it toll on my mind and body
Did my first Ride-A-Long with Cary EMS
April –
Still in school 3 nights a week and feel like I can barely function
SRR broke his collar bone
Found a new therapist that I really like
SRR is scheduled for surgery
SRR had surgery
Hands on testing started and finished in 2 weeks (and I survived it)
May –
Took and passed my Final exam in class
Last day of class was May 5th
Celebrated Mother’s Day in Virginia
State Exam is scheduled for May 21st…..
So, it has been crazy to say the least… but it has also been very challenging in many ways. Trying to juggle a full time job, a household and full-time school at the same time is no easy task, but I have no regrets for giving it a try. Through out the past few months I feel like I have grown as a person and as a wife. I feel like I have been focusing on one thing and one thing only for the past few years and to realize that some things are completely out of my hands has been a hard pill to swallow, but has also made me realize that there are other things in life that I have full control over.
I feel like I lived my life for the past few years focusing on nothing but fertility/infertility issues we have gone through and I was sinking deeper and deeper in to depression and denial. See I always thought I had my life outlined and planned and things were/would workout just the way I had it drawn out… but when something like infertility hits you in the face and you realize one day that you have no control over it, it is very hard to move on and function. You feel like all your plans and dreams have been ripped away from you. You grow angry towards others, you experience uncontrollable jealousy, things you enjoyed on a daily basis are no longer enough to satisfy you and that is when you find yourself in a deep black hole and feel the life being sucked out of you. That is where I was late last years… I felt like without a child, our lives would never be complete and I found my self isolated from everything and everyone.
Then I woke up one day and realized that I needed to be grateful for the AMAZING life I had/have. I have the most amazing/supportive/funny/loving husband anyone could ever ask for, I have two amazing four legged kids at home, I have a beautiful home to come home to everyday and I am surrounded by people who love me for who I am and nothing else. This is not to say that I have 100% come to terms with the idea that we may never have kids, but for now I am OK with it. I have learned to be happy for others and move on.
Soooo… to bring it all back together…
I decided to do something for me, something that would make me proud of what I did and appreciate things in life unlike many others are not able to. And I found the answer in going back to school to be an EMT, to help others at their worst time, to be there as a shoulder to cry on, to offer arms when a hug is needed and to be able to make a difference in someone’s life every single day. It may not be the path I always saw my self going down, but it is the path I chose to do going forward and I cannot wait for this part of my journey to begin.
C-H-A-N-G-E
20 Mar 2009 Leave a Comment
in 101 Goals, Family, Friends, House, Job, Life, NC, Thoughts
Change has always been something I have avoided. Most of the time I like things the way they are, or even if I don’t like things the way they are my fear of change would take over and cripple me to move forward. My fear kept me at a job I disliked and hated more and more everyday. It kept me from going to school to get my degree. It kept me from taking the leap to sell the house. It kept me from 100% agreeing to move to NC… you get the idea! This was nothing new to me. I have always been afraid of change, but as an adult I found it to be more and more crippling and it started to effect the way I felt about myself and life in general.
But the thing is that, every time I take a chance and take the leap I am always shocked at the end results and the AWESOME feelings that come with it. Like letting my old boss know that I was leaving… as scared as I was, man it felt so good. Of course I had to deal with the freak out moments of not having a job and the fact that after being somewhere for 7 years I was now in the looking for a job field and interviews scare the crap out of me (we will talk about my social issues at another time). But in the end I DID IT! I am now at a job like a like and could possibly see a future within the company if I wanted to.
Now let’s talk about selling the house and moving to NC. That was about 4+ years in the making. I had many many deep issues related to selling the house and moving somewhere where I felt I would be very vulnerable because I did not know anyone. But after a lot work with therapy and support from SRR I was ready to take the jump and move. Once I felt comfortable in my own skin and I felt strong as a person the whole process came very easy. I mean leaving my friends and what I have known as life for 10+ years was very hard, but I was now looking forward to our new life and was truly excited (without the fear taking over) for the first time since the NC conversation first came up. I know that my SRR will always be there for me and he knows that I will always be there for him no matter what. And as scary and lonely the process could have been, we had each other (and of course Ollie & Sugar). Once we were ready things just fell in the place like it was all meant to be… and one thing after another, things worked them self’s out and September 2008 we hit the road. And to this day I am so happy that we made the change in our lives and moved. I love being closer to extended family and everything else about NC (the cost of living kind of sucks), but everything else makes up for it.
I am a much different person then I was just 2 years ago and it’s OK. Change is not always going to come easy and I know that, but the more I trust my self the easier each step will be.
Now for another huge change in my life – I need to submit my application for Nursing School.
Taking a look back at 2008
31 Dec 2008 Leave a Comment
in 101 Goals, Friends, House, Job, Life, List
Even though I would have liked to have completed more goals this year – I am going to cut my self some slack. 2008 has been a crazy busy year with plenty of ups and downs. But overall it was a decent year. Here is what I have managed to knock off my list in the year of 2-0-0-8
Goal# 3 – Buy a Coach Purse
Goal# 26 – Finish Sugar’s Bed
Goal# 30 – Get back on the dirt bike
Goal# 39 – Start and keep up with an Address Book
Goal# 40 – Learn to knit
Goal# 44 – Get in touch with an old friend
Goal# 46 – Finish the garden area in our backyard
Goal# 53 – Keep a potted plant alive
Goal# 58 – Get a promotion/new job
Goal# 63 – Get to work on-time for a week
Goal# 65 – Tell the ladies in my group, how much I appreciate them
Goal# 66 – Visit the Blue Bell Factory
Goal# 81 – Put new recipes in my recipe book
Goal# 83 – Try 5 new restaurants (5/5)
Goal# 87 – Take a Wilton Cake decorating class
Goal# 91 – Carve a pumpkin for the first time
Goal# 92- Make a new Friend
Goal# 93 – Go kayaking/canoeing
Goal# 95 – No TV for a week
Goal# 100 – Wear PJ’s to work
Goal # 101 – Get the house painted
What's that you saw?
18 Nov 2008 1 Comment
How is everyone doing? How are things kicking?
I noticed that lately I have only been updating my blog with pictures (awesome at that if I may say) and realized that I should probably give a little info on how are things going in our neck of the woods.
Yesterday marked 3 weeks since I started working at my new job (not sure if I can share the name or not, so I will be refer to it as T). So far things are going GREAT. I am getting adjusted to my team members and my boss’. I am still in the some what training stage (even though I have no one training me), but feel like I am starting to pick things up. I can see my self with this company for a long time and could probably even follow my dreams of becoming a Nurse within the company.
Other then that, life is going pretty well. We are getting ready to have Mom & Perry and Aunt Brenda & Uncle Gary over for Thanksgiving and we are looking forward to spending some quality time with family and of course YUMMY food. Rob and I placed our order for the Turkey last weekend at the Farmer’s Market and will pick it up on Sunday. Along with the Turkey will for sure come Stewed Tomatoes, Yeast Rolls, Stuffing, Green Bean Casserole, Gravy, Cranberry Sauce and some sort of Pumpkin related desert. Aunt Brenda and Uncle Gary are also bringing Peanut with them 
and Mom & Perry might be bringing 
Ash with them, so let’s just say that we will have a FULL house – but we are super excited.
The weather is starting to get COLD and of course I love it. We even had snow flurries today and I was grinning like a little kid. A lot of people think I am strange for loving the cold, but I just do. I love wearing my gloves, scary and hat and bundling up to get warm. I love having the fire place lit and watching the rain or snow. I will much rather be in cooler weather then to be HOT. Of course Rob would love it if it was a little warmer, since he has not been able to ride his bike to work and we have been sharing a car. But other then that, I think we are both very happy with being able to experience a season other then summer.
Well, I need to go and get the cupcakes out of the oven and but the brownie in. I will try to update more often. Nite.
Congrats to me… Congrats to me…
03 Nov 2008 1 Comment
in Announcement, Job
Yup! I got a job. Not just any job, but a job with a great company that covers most of my wants and needs. So far I love my new boss’ and everyone I have met. Today was my first day and it started with a New Hire Orientation for half the day, then I was escorted to my new desk to clean it out (it did not look like the last girl that was there cared too much about being cleaned and organized), so I spent a few hours settling in and walking around meeting people. Everyone is down to earth and very warm. Even though I miss my old peeps, I really look forward to meeting new people and starting a new journey. I also feel like there is a lot of room for growth, which is super exciting… because it would be growth towards what I have always wanted to do (medical field).
Any who… I am sure you guys will be hearing more about my lovely job in the near future. Just had to share my happy news!!!
J.O.B.
10 Oct 2008 Leave a Comment
in Job
As excited as I was to leave my last job, looking for a new one compleletly sucks monkey ballz.
You really need to have some thick skin when you are in the process of searching for a new job, cause MAN it sucks when you either don’t hear anything back or you are told you are not good enough to be hired for a certain position. It eats you a part little by little…
It has only been two weeks since I started looking for a job full-time and I have managed to score only 2 interviews. I mean I know that the state of the economy is not helping things, but it still sucks monkey ballz…
Well, I better get back to polishing up my resume and keep sending it out. Wish me luck!
7 Years and 67 days…
21 Sep 2008 Leave a Comment
Is how long I dedicated to my job, but NO MORE. I am officially un-employed and surprisingly feel good about it. I say surprisingly because I was really worried about being terrified of not having a job, but this has been something I have wanted to do for over 4 years now.
So I spent my week training my replacement and walked her through the process of officially terminating me from the system. It was bittersweet and even though I managed to hold back most of my tears, some escaped. I do feel a huge sense of weight being lifted off my chest and will now start my journey of finding a new job. I have a phone interview lined for tomorrow afternoon, but I promised my self and SRR that I would take my time making my decision and that I would not settle for the first thing that jumped my way (unless it happens to be my dream job).
I have seriously been considering and wanting to go back to school and get my nursing degree. That is the only thing I can see my self doing and being completely satisfied day in day out. I think it is time for me to follow my dreams and full-fill my goals of getting my nursing degree. Working full time and trying to go to school full time could be/and probably will be hell for a few years, but I think in the end it will all be worth it.
Please Hire Me!!!
25 Jul 2008 1 Comment
As happy as I am to be leaving my current job and position, I absolutely HATE the other end of things. Why can’t people just find me and want to hire me? Why do I have to go through this hell of a process to find a job… Ehhhh
